Ethan – thought you’d get a chuckle from this communication we hacked from Gavascorp – Email Security Admin
To my manager
Consider this my resignation effective immediately. You will also be receiving an extensive bill from my psychiatrist. You’re probably wondering why. Well, I’ll explain.
It started as a routine sweep of the server banks in lower level A. You know that wall by the sewer, the one we’ve repeatedly complained about the weird noises we hear from? I swear it’s haunted cause the weirdest stuff happened to me down there.
First there was a voice that was telling me to do things. Then I had a nightmare about giant pomeranians. Don’t laugh, they can be vicious. Then there were some intruders that must have done something to me cause I have trouble remembering much about them but I did the right thing and ran up to warn the guards that the intruders were trying to flee out the front. Which seems odd in hindsight since that’s were the guards were. I also appear to have soiled myself at some point.
Anyway, I thought my stressful night was over so, after a sit down to collect myself, I headed back up to my office. Only I ran into a firefight between some of our guards and the most horrifically ugly man I’ve ever seen. He also seemed to be carrying some stuff in our security bags, so I’m guessing he was a thief.
Also that pomeranian nightmare kicked in again and the next thing I knew I came to my senses curled up in a stall of the toilets.
Now I’m being told I imagined all that stuff and that there was no intrusion. Well I know a cover-up when I hear one, and of course that means I’m to receive no counselling.
I hope you can tell by the tone of my correspondence how angry I am, and I have a mind to go to the media over this. That’ll teach you that when you try to cover something up it’s not always easy for your employees to just forget something happened.
Now, I have to go as my pizza has arrived.
Which is weird, because I don’t remember ordering a pizza.